Ralization
by OtonielFernandez
Summary: Tommy comes to a realization. Tommy's PoV mostly Slash implied T/M my first fic ever :P


A/N This is my first BWOC fic so please be kind :P Please do tell me what you think of it though, I might write more if I get the encouragement. This is an effort made on a couple of friends encouragement so Thanks Rothos and Amanda and LOTTA thanks To Luna ;P   
  
Disclaimer: I don't own anything BWOC or Anything about Sarah, and I'm the poorest person alive so YOU AIN'T GETTING ANYTHING OUT OF ME, HA!!! Ok, on with the fic  
  
  
  
  
  
He entered his room and looked around. The window on the far wall was open and a cool night breeze caressed him as in greeting. He hated nights like this, he was alone, Merton was caught up in some research he was doing on vampires and Lori had a Kick Boxing tournament in Muhlenberg. However it was just as well, he needed some time alone to think things through.  
  
It has been two weeks since they helped Merton get back to being human after being turned to stone. Tommy still wasn't sure about how he felt. He has always been Merton's Protector, and when he failed him he felt worthless. For days after they got Merton back, Tommy had gone through some serious bouts of depression, and now that he realized how he REALLY felt about Merton, his emotions were once again distressed.  
  
Tommy's evening had started out in the lair. He was supposed to help Merton with his research, but after about an hour Tommy couldn't stand it any longer. Her needed to get out of there and thinks things through. He ended up in the Pleasantville Mall. On impulse he stopped at the music store to see if any new CDs looked cool.   
  
After about a half-hour he decided that the new CDs weren't worth it and then Tommy remembered Merton's favorite female singer, Sarah McLachlan. Tommy quickly searched for her and bought the first CD he saw of her. It had a pretty cover with the woman and it was called Surfacing. He never got why Merton liked her so much but Tommy guessed he was about to find out.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
After Tommy listened to her CD three times he understood why his Goth friend loved her. Her songs were full of feelings and most of them were quite dark. Tommy smiled as he though of how excited Merton always got when her songs were played at the Factory. Tommy wasn't sure what to think of her, but she was a decent singer.   
  
Remembering why he had set out for the mall in the first place, Tommy's heart quickly returned to despair. How could Tommy ever tell Merton that he loved him? This was too sudden for Tommy to deal with, I mean, one day he and Merton are just best friends, and all of a sudden Tommy wants to be more than that. And what if Merton didn't feel the same way? What if Merton began hating Tommy for his feelings? No, as far as Tommy was concerned Merton could never find out, he would never understand.  
  
Tommy turned off his CD player and laid down in his bed to do some more thinking. At some point though he must have dozed off and now he was pulled awake. At first he didn't know what had woke him, but as some beautiful guitar chords rang out softly he understood.  
  
He looked towards his CD player and saw that it was playing the first track from the CD he bought earlier. How did that CD turn on? Tommy asked himself, he distinctly remembered that he turned the thing off before getting into bed.   
  
As the song went on though, Tommy found himself doing some Very deep thinking. Each verse struck a chord inside of him that was impossible to ignore. Everything she sang about reminded him of Merton and he found himself more and more wanting to tell Merton how he felt.  
  
"You come out at night  
that's when the energy comes  
and the dark side's light  
and the vampires roam   
you strut your rasta wear   
and your suicide poem  
and a cross from a faith  
that died before Jesus came  
you're building a mystery"  
  
Tommy VO.  
  
Building a mystery? Heh, sounds like Merton all right. He always tries so hard to impress people with his dark dyed hair. It never works but he's always true to himself. I admire him for that, I'm not sure I could take all the stuff he gets and still come out smiling. I can see through his acts most of the time though. I know how depressed he gets when people tease him, but he's a good guy, he always comes out on top. I love that about him.   
  
He's always getting into trouble, but I have always been there for him. That's nor really fair though, he was the first to find out about me being a werewolf, and he has always been there for me through good and bad. Didn't we just save him from his peril after he tried to save my life? He is always so giving, and always does the best he can for his friends. I can't believe it took me so long to realize that I love him.  
  
What would I do without Merton? I know that without him I could have never survived this whole werewolf thing. He was always so patient with me, and I know I can get very difficult to handle. We never believe him when he tells us about danger, and I gotta wonder why not? I mean, he's always right. I wonder how he has managed to put up with Lori and me? We always give him a hard time.   
  
That never deters him though, heh, he always takes out ribbing in good nature and loves us unconditionally no mater what. He's Merton, my Merton.  
  
"You live in a church  
where you sleep with voodoo dolls  
and you won't give up the search  
for the ghosts in the halls  
you wear sandals in the snow  
and a smile that won't wash away  
can you look out the window  
without your shadow getting in the way  
oh you're so beautiful  
with an edge and a charm  
but so careful   
when I'm in your arms"  
  
What would it feel like to be in his arms? I don't mean in a friend way, we have hugged enough as friends, but rather I wonder how it would feel to have him embrace me. To envelop me in his warmth. Oh man, listen to me, I'm getting all sappy here. This is SOOO not like me. Love can do things to people. He is beautiful though. With his brilliant smile and cute little spiked hair. He is so adorable when he's coming on to Lori. Poor Merton, I wonder if he really likes her that way? I know that Lori thinks its all a joke, and I don't know, maybe it is, but I have to wonder. He has never had a steady girlfriend, and he was hurt when Melissa turned him down, but is there room in his heart for me?   
  
I remember the time at the lair, we were discussing whether we could trust Lori with my secret. I wanted to tell her, but he was so hardcore about me not doing it. He looked at me with those beautiful ice blue eyes and told me that no one but HIM could know my secret. I now realize that I was really touched at the sentiment, I felt so close to him then. I don't know, maybe it could work out?   
  
No, definitely not. I am not about to risk everything I have with Merton just because I'm too hopeful that he will feel the same way about me. I can not risk losing my best friend over something I'm not too sure of yet. I mean, if he felt the same way about me, can we make it work? I don't know, I would feel really paranoid having him fight along with us, as it is I have a nervous breakdown every time something happens to him. I failed to protect him once and it got him turned into stone, I am not going to mess up again and lose him to some monster that's attacking Pleasantville. If things work out he would have to promise me not to fight with us anymore, and quite frankly, how in hell are we going to win any fight with any monster without his supernatural know how?   
  
"Cause you're working  
building a mystery  
holding on and holding it in  
yeah you're working  
building a mystery  
and choosing so carefully"  
  
Yea, he does hold his feelings in a lot doesn't he? He is very up-front when it doesn't matter, or when he can get something out of it, heh, but when it comes to the real deep stuff, not even I know how he thinks like. I often wonder what he feels when we fight the monsters we do. What goes through his mind when he sees me fight? I know that sometimes he gets excited when he sees me wolf out but does that mean that there could be something there between us? I don't know what to think anymore, I want to tell him I love him, but I don't know, if it means losing him I'm not sure I want to take that step.  
  
Maybe I should tell him. Maybe I should go to the lair and tell him everything. I should go there and let everything out, maybe then Ill feel better. What? What am I thinking?! I can't go over there and throw everything away over something that I can easily hide. I think I can anyway. I must be tired, I'm not really thinking straight any more. What time is it anyway? Its 11:57, Merton is still up, probably doing research still. He never tires of trying to help out in every way he can. What a great guy he is, I can't get over how devoted he is to the fight, though he always cowers at the end. I love him that way, he is so cute while he cowers heh.  
  
"You woke up screaming aloud  
a prayer from your secret god  
you feed off our fears  
and hold back your tears  
  
give us a tantrum   
and a know it all grin  
just when we need one  
when the evening's thin"  
  
I should go over there anyway. I know that he would probably enjoy the company. He is always doing research alone, and sadly we never do offer to help unless it's relevant to what's happening at the moment. Man, we need to start being better friends to him. I'm not about to let the man I love tire himself out to help us and we not do anything about it.   
  
Oh my God will you listen to me! What am I thinking? This has got to be the weirdest thoughts I've ever had. I can't really deny though that I love him anymore, its obvious I do, and I don't know how I will be able to handle this. I don't think I can really keep it all bottled up anymore. That's it! I am going over there!  
  
~~~~~~~~~  
  
Tommy ran the whole way over to Merton's house. He wasn't sure what he would say to his best friend, if anything at all. Running usually helped Tommy clear his head, but for clear reasons this time, it did not work. All Tommy kept thinking while he was running was that he was about to see Merton really soon and he was scared to death about it.  
  
What id he messed things up? What if he said something that would ruin everything for the both of them? Tommy resigned himself to let things go the way they would go by the time he got to Merton's house.  
  
Tommy was known for letting himself in without knocking and tonight wasn't any different. The first thing that hit Tommy was the scent of Candles, Merton always had lit candles in the lair. At first Tommy didn't see Merton. He wasn't at his usual place in the computer and at a glance he was no where to be seen.  
  
At a more detailed look Tommy found Merton sitting Indian Style by some black Drapes. He was wearing a black shirt with black pants (what else?) and wasn't too noticeable at a glance. Tommy smiled, secretly pleased at the feeling of looking at his friend without being noticed. He walked up behind Merton and sat in a chair to wait for Merton to finish whatever he was doing and notice him.  
  
Tommy VO  
  
The hell with it, looking at him like this I cant help it. I think I will tell him tonight and Ill just hope that he can handle it. I hope he has the same feelings about me, but I hope that if that's not the case, then I hope that we can work through it and stay friends afterwards.  
  
Merton finished his meditation and was ready to go back to hitting the books. He got up and turned around, his eyes went wide an he gave a loud squeak "TOMMY!!" Merton screamed, obviously alarmed at the unexpected intrusion, which made Tommy almost want to grab him and eat him whole. "For Pete's sake learn to make a little more noise when you enter a room, what are you trying to do give me a HEART ATTACK!" Merton yelled, but by this time he was already calming down.  
  
Merton went over and sat by Tommy to see what his friend needed, but was slightly hurt when Tommy abruptly got up and walked a little way into the lair. "Something the matter Tommy?" Merton asked, getting a very apprehensive feeling. "Yea Merton, Everything's fine, its just I have something to tell you and I don't know exactly where to start." replied Tommy  
  
"Oh you're a beautiful  
a beautiful fucked up man  
you're setting up your   
razor wire shrine"  
  
Tommy VO  
Well here goes nothing  
  
"Merton, you have been my best friend for a while now. You and I have gone through a lot over the past how many months and I don't feel right not being honest with you." Tommy looked up to see how Merton was taking what he was saying. He saw Merton's face, completely afraid of what was coming, but somehow not afraid. His face was completely blank and controlled. Totally passive.  
  
"Tommy, where are you going with all this?" Merton asked with only a hint of fear in his voice.  
  
"Let me finish Merton, this is the hardest thing I have ever had to do and I don't think I'll have the strength to say it more than once so please listen up."   
  
Merton's eyes went wide with fear, he wasn't sure what Tommy was about to say, but he definitely understood that this was a very important thing to Tommy. He knew though, that whatever Tommy said would change things forever. "Oh my gosh" Merton whispered to himself.  
  
Tommy took a deep breath and decided that it was now or never, but he knew that this was better get out in the open, he could never keep this hidden by himself. "Merton..." Merton got out of the chair and came closer to Tommy "Tommy, whatever it is you are about to say, please don't. I don't think I could handle it"   
  
Tommy looked into Merton's eyes, he saw how afraid he was and it was killing him. He took Merton's hand and spoke those enigmatic words that changed everything:  
  
"I'm sorry Merton, I have to say this. I love you! I know this is sudden, but I am in love with you. When you were turned into stone and I thought Id lost you forever I was lost. I knew I could never live a life without you. I love you Merton, I am in love with you Merton Dingle." Tommy felt Merton's hand tense up, and it was impossible to tell what Merton was thinking, he looked like he was in complete shock.  
  
Tommy VO  
Oh God, I did the wrong thing, this is it. He hates me, he will most likely not want to ever see me again. I have lost him. NO!!!!  
  
Tommy's eyes were suddenly full of tears. He couldn't take the pain that was filling his heart. He let go of Merton's hand. Tommy looked at Merton to say his good-byes but he saw that Merton's eyes were full of tears as well.  
  
"Oh God Merton I am so sorry about this. I know this must be really hard to deal with and I wouldn't blame you if you hated me...."  
  
Merton Looked at Tommy and said "Oh shut up" and with that he leaned in and passionately kissed Tommy. They were two people madly in love, and that kiss? That kiss, magical as it was, is still the kiss they remember most and best of all.  
  
"Cause you're working  
building a mystery  
holding on and holding it in  
yeah you're working  
building a mystery  
and choosing so carefully  
  
yea you're working  
building a mystery  
holding on and holding it in  
yeah you're working  
building a mystery  
and choosing so carefully" 


End file.
